That, with apologies to Paul Simon, who perhaps deserved better, is Salut!'s welcome to the first lady of France, Cécilia Sarkozy.
Some of you may know that Mme Sarkozy has begun the family's faire le pont Ascension weekend, making her first use of the official presidential holiday home, the Fort de Brégançon, just down the road from us.
Now she is installed, with her husband due to follow once he has announced and met his cabinet, she could almost certainly do with a local guide.
She will find this a charming stretch of the Var coastline. The fort looks out towards the beautiful Hyeroise islands of Port-Cros and Porquerolles. I have to take the word of others that the third island, Levant, is beautiful, too, since its combined attractions of nudist beaches and military camp have not been sufficient to lure me across.
If Cécilia finds the islands on the quiet side, she will know that the glitz and look-at-me glam of St Tropez are not too far away.
On the way, she will pass another nudist beach, at the Pont du Layet, and be able to see what the 35-hour week and other quirky French labour practices have done for the resort of Cavalaire (closed down a dozen or so restaurants, according to a report I read not long ago).
Or she could pop into Saint-Clair to say hello to Jerry Hall who, without Sir Michael these days, keeps a little place.
If Mme Sarkozy does intend to pop over to the islands, however, she would do a lot worse than book a table at L'Anse, the very first restaurant that will greet her as she disembarks at Port-Cros.
Perhaps she could then order the catch of the day, which is unlikely to disappoint. She should also find the owner, Sauveur (or even Savo, as I seem to recall him writing on the back of a card), a genial and amusing host with the manner and appearance of a grizzled sea dog.
He seemed so at home at his waterfront restaurant that I imagined him lighting up a pipe late in the evening while gazing out to sea and dipping into memories of a thousand voyages.
Sadly he may be more likely to spoil the illusion by packing his briefcase, catching the boat back to Le Lavandou and hopping on to his motorbike to go home. That's what I saw him doing, though I persuaded myself that home would not be an end-of-terrace, two-up, two-down in a built-up corner of Toulon.
But if Mme S shares her husband's wish to encourage hard work, and buy a few items of lingerie at the same time, she will surely pop into Le Lavandou, which incidentally voted three-to-one in Sarko's favour on May 6, when - if the French press got it right - she didn't vote at all.
There, on the seafront, Cécilia will find Henriette, who runs a little boutique for ladies' underwear and is such a workaholic that she probably gets her 35 hours in by Tuesday of each week. Mme Salut! could look after the introductions.
We'd naturally find room for her round at the badminton club, and she may wish to join us at the John Mayall concert at the open-air Théâtre de Verdure in July. There's a novelty mini-golf course up there, too, in case she feels that a little old git British blues goes a long way.
A few miles to the west of the fort, at La Londe, she can pop into that small, tucked-away cinema where the chap who takes the money also acts as usher and projectionist.
I am not sure whether she'll have much need of Ryanair's flights timetable from Toulon airport, though. But there is much more to see and do, of course, and I have a short list of recommended restaurants that I'll be happy to share once we get to know our new, occasional neighbours a bit better.
Salut! as near as it's got to the Sarkozys' holiday pad.
One word of caution: she does have some act to follow. Bernadette Chirac, the last first lady, if you'll forgive that odd construction, made herself very popular around these parts, not least for her hearty support of the annual floral carnival at Borme-les-Mimosas.
Jacques is remembered fondly, too. "Pleasant, humble and discreet," was the verdict in today's Var Matin from Emmanuel Biasi, a shopkeeper who lives next to the Bormes parish church where presidents are expected to attend Mass. "I'm waiting to see what impression Nicolas Sarkozy is going to give."
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