Overwhelming is not quite the word to describe your response to the Fawlty Towers competition. It is likely, however, that no amount of entries would have produced a Basil Fawlty or Mrs Richards moment to better Gigi. Otherwise known as Gill Baconnier, Gigi - a frequent visitor to these shores, and seen below with a familiar face - wins the complete DVD set of the two series, or whatever item she should choose from the Amazon shelves at any of the Salut! sites. Why Gigi? Because she quoted from this gloriously depressing account of a scene enacted before her eyes in the lovely resort of St Tropez.
Gigi wrote at Salut!: "My own Basil Fawlty moment happened just recently in St Tropez. A very rude tourist was trying to get out of paying for his meal on the grounds that there wasn't any cream in his moules marinière."
Salut! reproduces it in full from Gigi's own site, French Windows......
The English Abroad: a play in one act
St Tropez: a mediaeval port that has lost none of its charm; its narrow streets wind lazily beneath the sun as azure waves lap softly against the ancient shore. Gigi is strolling along the seafront when a lion-like roar (in a broad northern English accent) rips through the air. A large, purple-faced man is gesticulating menacingly in the middle of the street
Angry tourist: Police! Get me the police! Anyone 'ere know where the police station is? Shut up you. I want the police NOW!Gigi: Ahem - can I help perhaps?
Angry Tourist: Yeah, I ordered mools mariner, right? And when it come it were too salty an' there were no wine, no cream, nothing so I said…
AT’s Wife: We've only bin 'ere two days.
AT: So I said I’m not 'aving this rubbish take it away. I’ll 'ave what 'e's 'aving cos the bloke next to me were eating a pizza.
AT’s wife: Disgusting it is.
A French waiter, who has been standing calmly by and is now on the phone to the police, smiles tightly at Gigi.
Waiter: Ils sont partis sans payer.
AT: An' the waitress brought the pizza, right, and she slapped it on table an' said "There is no wine with this meal."
Waiter: Et il l’a traité de pute.
AT’s wife: This is disgusting, this is. We've only bin 'ere two days.
Gigi: Er – the waiter said you left without paying and you insulted the waitress…
AT: No I never, stupid cow. POLICE! Where's the police? I want the police.
Waiter: No problem, monsieur– you are going to spend ze whole day wiz ze police. Zey are on their way.
AT: I want the British Embassy! Someone phone the British Embassy!
AT’s wife: My 'usband's not well. 'E's already 'ad one heart attack. It's disgusting, it is. We've only bin 'ere two days.
The Angry Tourist clutches his chest and starts moaning loudly.
AT: Oooh! Arrgghh! Get an ambulance, quick! Oooh…
Waiter: No problem, monsieur – what is ze number for ze eenglish ambulance?
AT: Nine – nine - nine.
Gigi: Well, er – I’d better be off. Um – I’m sure the police will sort it all out.
(To the waiter) Je suis désolée. Nous ne sommes pas tous comme ça. Bon courage…
FIN
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