Alain Thomas
Heavens knows I've done my bit for the entente cordiale.
I married a Frenchwoman in the knowledge that our children would be half-French. I've paid taxes and social charges to the French exchequer.
I have eulogised the country, tried hard to get on with its people to the extent that a British ambassador accused me of showing a rare understanding of French ways (other British journalists within earshot considered this an offence worthy in itself of dismissal).
And what is the reward? To be told by the coach of the French rugby team, Marc Lièvremont, that he hates us, the English, indeed that the French hate us.
These, ahead of tomorrow's match at Twickenham, are the words he chose:
"We don't like them and it's better to say that than be hypocritical. We have a bit of trouble with the English. We respect them - well in my case at least I respect them. But you couldn't say we have the slightest thing in common with them. We appreciate our Italian cousins with whom we share the same quality of life. We appreciate the Celts and their conviviality and then among all these nations we have one huge thing in common. We all don't like the English! We beat Ireland yet left Dublin with the encouragement of all the Irish who said 'for pity's sake, beat the English'. With the Scots, it's the same thing. It is also what gives you strength against the English, more than just because of rugby. This insular country, who always drape themselves in the national flag, their hymns, their chants, their traditions. They are people who one regards as a very proud people."
Lièvremont tempered his sad little rant with praise for the English team. I have little interest in games played with oval balls so have no special view on his sporting assessment.
But you'd have thought he might have added: "Well, yes, we love their Beatles, in fact lots of their rock stars." Or: "Your football Premier League is sensational and yes, you did play a small part in ending our agony in the Second World War."
After a quick pause for a Gauloise, he could have gone on: "OK, plenty of French men have fallen for the charms of Jane Birkin, Petula Clark, Charlotte Rampling, Kristin Scott-Thomas and Jacqueline Bisset." And then: "We love the way they - and Helena Bonham Carter and Emma Thompson - speak our language and we adore Ellen MacArthur."
But no, none of this. Just pure but intense dislike for the whole lot of us.
If I had no other reason for hoping the England side would wallop the French tomorrow night, that outburst would have been enough. With one proviso: for many English people, it works both ways. We've all heard the mantra "France? Lovely country, shame about the people". And it was our yobs who marauded through French trains chanting: "If it wasn't for the British (and they probably sang English) you'd be krauts."
The biter bit.
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