This is a quick comment I posted at Facebook in the aftermath of the outrage caused, at least to decent people, by the British home secretary Amber Rudd's vile comments at the Tory conference:
Viewed from France, the rise of UKIP - and the Ukipisation of the Tory party - is among a number of seriously disturbing developments.The socialists in France are in even greater disarray than in the UK, and at least as unelectable. I foresee Le Pen getting through to the second round next May against whoever the Gaullists (these days called Les Republicains) put up, ie Sarko or Juppe. It is not the sort of option that will have left-minded voters rushing to the polling booths to stop Le Pen as they did with her father in 2002.
Then there's Trump, of course, and the threat from people like Wilders in the Netherlands and assorted racists in Germany and Austria (I almost said neo-Nazis). Even without obvious worries about other world regions, I fear for the political landscape of the West...
This is a tweet I sent, also today ...
Until Amber Rudd's Hitlerian moment, I feared my old spoof of a Theresa May govt was excessive. Not so sure any more https://t.co/SPmxnoShUn
— Colin Randall (@salutsunderland) October 6, 2016
And this is what I published here during the Tory leadership contest. Obviously, I got plenty wrong (no Give, Boris given a plum job etc) but the spirit rings true ...
When Salut! cried out for a new insult-free, post-Brexit atmosphere, it didn't mean fun could not still be had. And Theresa, if it is to be her, may not turn out to be as dangerous as a I fear the snarling Tory right will require her to be; she did make a decent, funny speech at a boozy soiree for the Newspaper Press Fund charity at the Irish Embassy earlier this year so cannot be all bad ...
By our New Britain Editor
Theresa May is poised for an easy finishing sprint to victory in the Tory leadership race after her emphatic win in initial voting by fellow Conservative MPs.
May, who presented herself as pro-Remain during the referendum campaign only to become a enthusiastic born-again Leaver once the vote was declared, has even drafted the outline of her new Cabinet, according to usually reliable sources.
In a sensational move, she will appoint the outgoing UKIP leader Nigel Farage, tipped to be knighted in the pro-Brexit New Year's Honours List, as Justice Secretary. "It is right as well as far Right that we reward those who did so much, in the face of unspeakable hatred and mockery, to give our country its new start," May confided to a friend.
Sir Nigel, as he will be styled, will be charged with steering the Restoration of Hanging and Flogging bills through Parliament. He will also commission expert advice from Mr Richard Littlejohn on the repeal of "unnecessarily restrictive" legislation against discrimination and the removal of most EU-backed measures for protecting people's health and safety at work and elsewhere.
The pro-Leave Tory MP for Harwich and North Essex, Bernard Jenkin, will be asked to stand down to allow Farage, fast-tracked into the party, to take his place in the ensuing by-election, Essex being considered a safe bet despite the turmoil caused by Brexit.
May is still considering a Farage proposal to offer England football hooligans full pardons, at least within Britain's jurisdiction, once they have completed their prison sentences in France and provided they can demonstrate they were motivated by a loathing of the EU or all foreigners.
Michael Gove will be disappointed to miss out on the job of Chancellor - even if, in the newly created economic climate, no one else particularly wants it - but will not be overlooked.
In honour of his supreme backstabbing skills, also known as Saving the Nation from Boris, he will be given a quick return to government, though in his old role of education secretary. Part of his job will require him to rewrite history but he will also have a free hand to take whatever measures are necessary to complete his important past work on demoralising teachers, especially those who voted Remain.
The Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre will be ennobled to permit him to head a new ministry dealing with Keeping Foreigners Out and Blaming Immigrants for Everything (unless they're Afghan interpreters or kids a Mail features writer takes a shine to in the Calais Jungle).
"They'll say Paul hasn't been elected," May told a close colleague, "but he gets the votes of millions of people daily, if you include the lunatics and trolls who write in to the website. Anyway, you've seen what a mess can be made if you leave important decisions of state to democracy [Note from speechwriters: best scrub this last bit; we're on their side now]." Dacre has made it clear, however, that he will oppose plans for further curbs on press freedom and this may prove a sticking point.
In a startling departure from British practice, one undisputed foreigner will be given a part-time job. May wants to hand Marine Le Pen from France's far-right Front National, who joined her Dutch kindred spirit Geert Wilders in warmly welcoming the Leave vote, honorary dual nationality and a special role devising Limits on the Expression of Faith. This will ostensibly target all religions but in practice concern itself with only one; Le Pen's contract enables her to stand down once she becomes president of France and embarks on some obligatory Rosbif-bashing.
Le Pen's team will include Mr Tommy Robinson and Mr Nick Griffin, marking their historic endeavours to champion a special kind of Britishness.
May discounts as "left-wing mischief-making" suggestions that a Jeremy Kyle Show studio audience, supported by Kyle's lie detectors, will form the nucleus of any future British equivalent of Senator Joe McCarthy's House of Un-American Activities Committee.
Stop Press: May's desire to be inclusive may prompt her to present an olive branch to Boris: a "junior but perhaps growing role", we understand, as minister responsible for creating an English super-resort for the many Brexit voters who, having crushed sterling, can no longer afford to go to Magaluf or Torremolinos
May has not yet decided on her foreign secretary. She is said to be torn between Iain Duncan Smith and Priti Patel, though the latter would first need to undergo a process of Renaturalisation.
Stung by the leaked comment of the Tory grandee Kenneth Clarke - "she doesn't know much about foreign affairs" - she wants to concentrate on forging important new alliances in Europe and beyond, with early overtures to Austria's far-right leader Jörn Haider, if he wins a re-run of his country's presidential election, and Donald Trump, should be be chosen as the USA's new president. This may rule out Patel.
As Prime Minister, May will also need a smooth-tongued minister able to explain to people in the disadvantaged regions, including the North East and parts of Wales, why the Government won't be replacing the EU aid they've voted to forfeit. Another key post still to be filled will handle the consequences of London having to relinquish its status as a major world financial centre to a city or cities overseas.
"Tomorrow belongs to us," is said to be the working title of May's eventual victory speech, which will conclude with stirring words written by Sarah Vine and Daniel Hannan: "Cynics say Brexit has made Britain an uglier place. I will not only unite the Conservative Party but show the world there can beauty in ugliness."
Recent Comments